The Adventures of Edward and Other Annoying People
by Ninja Rosette
Summary: this is typically what happens when i get bored.i make up an annoying little alien with a highpitched laugh and i pair him with anime characters...oops, what have i done this time, read at your own risk:
1. hi, i'm Ken

**The Adventures of _Ken_ Chapter 1** **_Part 1: "Hi! I'm Ken!"_**

_Ken is a little purple midget alien. And he is very annoying._

Ken: "Hi! I'm Ken! I have an oven in my pants."

Edward: (a little grossed out) "okaaay…"

Ken: "hehehehahahaHA**HA**HAhahahahahahhehe"

Ken: (runs around in circles screeching his annoying laugh of doom)

Edward: (backs away s-l-o-w-l-y)

_**To be continued…**_

**__**

**__**

**__**

_ok, it's my first sad and sorry attempt to post a story on flames are graciously accepted with reasnobale cause and/or because it ticked you off. thank you for your attention. and thank you for the breakfast muffin. :)_


	2. owwie, that tickles

_**Part 2: "Owwie, that tickles. HehehehahahaHAHAHAhahahahahahhehe"**_

"Hi, I'm ken. I have an oven in my pants."

Edward: "explain to me why I have to deal with this. Please."

Ken: "hehehehahahaHAHAHAhahahahahahhehe"

Edward: "am I getting paid for this?"

Ken: (Pokes Edward)

Edward: "what're you…?"

Poke

"hey, quit it!"

Poke

"don't make me hurt you"

poke

"man your annoying"

poke

"one more time, ken, I'm warning you"

poke

poke

poke

"KEN I TOLD YOU QUIT IT!"

poke

"ken…!"

"hey, Edward, your short"

(**Somewhere miles away, probably Alaska, the slightest tremor can be felt. of course, due to Alaskan pipe lines being right there…yeah. Use your imagination. HehehehahahaHAHAHAhahahahahahhehe) **

_**the end… (for now)**_


	3. introduction of additional entertainment

_ok, it has finally occured to me that i have discluded a disclaimer. all i can say in my defense is: oops. so here: i do not own fullmetal alchemist or any character in it. i do not own shaman king or any character in it. i own myself, (ninja-rosette) and i have partial custody of Ken. thank you._

**_Part 3! _The introduction of Yoh, Amidamaru, and the critic of doom! **

Yoh: wow Amidamaru, this is a great picnic site!

Amidamaru: I dunno, lord Yoh. These graves creep me out.

Yoh: don't stress, buddy. Desecrate on them maybe.

Amidamaru: you have permission?

Yoh: my own permission, yeah. Knock yourself out.

Amidamaru: wait a minute…I'm a ghost.

Yoh: oh, yeah. Pretend.

**some really big, ugly, rotting skeleton rises from the grave as Amidamaru unzips his…pants? What does he wear, actually... **

Big ugly rotting skeleton: I AM CRITIC OF DOOOOM. TREMBLE IN FEAR. MWAHAHA!

Yoh: raised eyebrow and you have a problem with Amidamaru peeing on your grave because…?

Critic of doom: (shrugs, causing earthquakes and disrupting Amidamaru.) I SEARCH FOR GOOD ANIME AND/OR GAME PEOPLES.

Yoh: you failed school, didn't you…?

Critic: I DROP OUT GRADE 3. DRAMATIC. DRAMATIC GOOD. points at Yoh YOU MUST BE DRAMATIC. poke

(Yoh flies across the graveyard)

Critic: HOORAY DRAMATIC DEATH. (claps hands stupidly)

_**The End! **_

_my god is this the suckiest fanfiction in history or what..._


	4. introucing even more pointlessness!

**_Part 4! The introduction of the rabid Edward fangirl who's name has been changed to protect the innocent, Ninja Rosette!_**

Ninja Rosette: walking around looking for Edward Elric "hmmm… this is where that girl said he'd be…"

Edward: in the bushes _if I'm quiet she won't and/or can't find me…_

critic comes

Critic: YOU BRAID MY HAIR! points to bushes

Edward: jumps like 2 feet

Ninja Rosette: Edward! lunges at Edward

**Author's note: the following scene has been cut out due to pervyness and profanity beyond that of a pg-13 rated fanfiction.**

Critic: YOU BRAID MY HAIR EDWARD!

Ninja Rosette: and what if he doesn't want to braid your NONEXISTENT hair! What if Edward wants to stay here and braid MY hair! Then what, hunh!

Edward: it's ok, critic I'll braid your nonexistent hair…

Critic: HAIR IS NOT NOEXISTISTENT! YOU DIE!

**critic takes** **Edward and Ninja Rosette and goes to throw them in the ocean somewhere in the Arctic Circle. Let's say Alaska. Yeah. And he steps on a pipe line. Broken pipe lines now. Can you say 'economical apocalypse'?**

_**The End **_


	5. OMG! ken has multiple personalities!

**_Part 5!_ The introduction of Evil Mime Ken, Janitor Ken, and Whinry!**

Ken: hehehehahahaHA**HA**HAhahahahahahhehe!

Edward: KEN YOU RETARD GET BACK HERE! THAT'S WHINRY'S PRESENT FOR WHEN SHE COMES!runs after ken, who jacked his wrapped present which I am too lazy to decide on and/or to describe. So it's wrapped up. In…oh well, color's unimportant anyway. Besides, Edward's chasing ken.

Critic: I DO NOT SEE-

Ninja Rosette: I'm aware of that. You have no eyes.

Critic: WHY WHINRY-GIRL IS SO IMPORTANT. MAYBE EDWARD-PERSON LIKE HER.

Edward: I'M A GUY, YOU RETARD!

Ninja Rosette: CAN WE PLEASE STOP YELLING!

Critic: YOU SCARY. YOU EXECUTIONAR!

Ninja Rosette: yay!

_**The End!**_


	6. am in trouble for false advertising?

**_Part 6 _ok, I lied. THIS is the introduction of Evil Mime Ken, Janitor Ken, and (possibly) Whinry.**

Edward: WHINREY! GIMME A HUG!

Alphonse: what're you doing, Ed?

Edward: I wasn't practicing my reaction to whinrey's arrival in front of the mirror!

Ken: yes you were.

Edward: oh, SHADDUP!

Ken: make me.

Edward disappears and returns in a turquoise minivan

Edward: nyah! runs ken over (repeatedly)

Ken: owwie, that tickles! dies

2 seconds later

Edward: gets out of the van thank goodness that's over! turns around GAH!

Ken: HI! I'm Janitor Ken! May I clean your toilets?

Edward: (weirded out) nooo…why would you wanna?

Ken: I came outta the kennagator. Please?

Alphonse: scoots away oookaay….

Whinry walks over

Whinry: hey guys!

Edward: WHINRY!

Ken: scoops Whinry over his shoulder and runs with her

Edward: chases him

Ken: finds some random porto-potty and stuffs Whinry into it (insert evil ken laugh)

ken exits the porto-potty with a grin on his face. I cleaned the toilet without a scrub-brush!

Edward: what exactly are you insinuating?

Ken: (insert evil ken laugh)

Edward: I don't wanna know….

Ken: still laughing

Edward: eeew… majorly disgusted

Alphonse: comes back steps on ken (well he's like, 7/8 feet tall!)

Ken: squish

2 seconds later

Alphonse: AAAH!

Ken: doesn't say anything pulls out invisible weapon from no place of existence/importance

(Rocket launcher maybe?)

Ken: blows them all to smithereens. **(Including himself, but he'll be back.) **

_**The End! **_


	7. edward should be happy now!

**_Part 7:_ok, Whinry's here. What more do you want, Edward? What? QUIT LOOKIN' AT ME!**

Edward: what the heck does that have to do with anything? I don't care. So WHINRY'S here. Big whoop. And I'm not looking at you. Don't flatter yourself.

**Author:… pipsqueak. **

Edward: stomping, screaming, ect. I AM **NOT** A **PIPSQUEAK**! I SHOULD GIVE YOU A **PIECE OF MY MIND** AND THEN IM GONNA HIRE **A HIT-PERSON** TO COME AND **GET YOU** AND **MUSTANG** AND HUEGHS AND ALPHONSE AND THEN YOUR GONNA **SUE **ME AND IM GONNA GO TO **JAIL **AND….ok never mind….

**Author: yeah, that's what I thought…**

Edward: am I at least getting paid for this?

**Author: NO! Do I LOOK like I have money!**

Ken: takes an invisible bazooka and blows up the author

**Author's disembodied voice: I am the AUTHOR you cannot kill ME! Mwahahahahaha Haha! **

Edward: hey, isn't this chapter about Whinry?

Alphonse: hey, you're right!

Edward: so…where is she, then?

**Author: NYAHAHA! I have her! Me and Ninja-Rosette! **

Ninja-Rosette: yeah nyah!

Edward/Alphonse: …sweatdrop

Alphonse: so, brother…do we rescue her?

Edward: … sure, why not? There's gotta be some kinda plot to this story.

Alphonse: Yay!

Ninja-Rosette: hooray! I get to see Edward's sexiness save me!

Edward: save Whinry, y'mean.

_**The End…**_

**__**

_ok, i'll be the first to admit that my writing sucks...but some cnstructive critisism might be nice... anyone want a muffin?_


	8. the rescueing of Winry!

**_Part 8_yeah, so ken is immortal. So what else is new. Oh yeah, this chapter needs a name hunh? … the rescuing of Whinry! **

Edward: what if this rescue takes more than one chapter?

**Author: I'm very flexible.**

Alphonse: whatever. C'mon brother!

Edward: doesn't move

Alphonse: what's wrong?

Edward: his hand behind him I-

Alphonse: yes?

Edward: I-…I've got the…

Alphonse: yes?

Edward: -the…WORST wedgie.

Alphonse: OO…

Ninja-Rosette: OMG! And I saw him PICK IT OUT! insert sickeningly girly screech

Edward: on second thought… maybe Whinry can handle herself.

**Author: well, so much for that.**

__

_special thanks to the only three people who bothered to review:) i give you all a muffin and i love you._

**Luckyalchemy27: hahaha, janitor ken is awesome, but my personal faveorite is one that will be mentioned later:)**

**anguished heart: i've seen suer milk chan, that show is retarded. i feel so honored ot be compared to such a show...and yes, this is the stupidest fanficton ever written.iam so proud of what my mind has created at 6:00 in the morning:) and what is "story alert"? **

**Feral Alchemist: oops, thx for the tip, i had no idea. for helping me, you get an extra muffin :) oh, and if you think YOU'RE scared, you should see what i do to the pedestrians:)**


	9. my sad attempt to liven things upuh o

**_Part 9:_Ok, so There's no Plot to This Story. Fine Then. But I Should do Something to Liven Things Around Here. Ooh!**

Ninja-Rosette: oh my gosh! Edward, look! A package for ME!

Edward: and I care because…?

Ninja-Rosette: didn't you send it!

Edward/Alphonse/Ken/Whinry/Critic: burst out laughing Hahahahaha! Sure, Edward would actually take the time and concern to send some random psychotic rabid fangirl a present! crying

Ninja-Rosette: Edward…whimper

Edward: still laughing

**5 minutes later…**

Edward: still laughing

**And he keeps going…**

**And going….**

**And going…**

**Darnit Edward, shut up already, it wasn't that funny!**

Edward: well, I was kinda tying to make a point, that I would never, ever, send some random, rabid fangirl a present, not even if my life depended on it because she threatened to kill me if I didn't, even though that wouldn't happen anyway because I'm just too darn sexy, and if they truly loved me for me and not just because I'm so darn sexy, or because everyone else does, then she would understand that I just don't like them that way and instead they would settle for friendship, which is better than a 3-day fling anyway. Are you getting any of this, Ninja-Rosette?

Ninja-Rosette:…drool…sexy…drool…

Edward: were you even listening!

Ninja-Rosette:…drool…

Edward: smacks his forehead

Ninja-Rosette:…dro- hunh!

Alphonse: she's a lost cause.

Critic: HAHAHA-I don't get it.shrugs

**TheFeral Alchemist: yes, wedgies are very evil:) hehe, lucky you, you saw him pick it out! lol, as thanks for being the first person to review...i shall mention your monser in the next chapter! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! fear my stupidity!**


	10. uuhhhh

**_Part 10:_uhhhhhhh…:shrugs: What're You Lookin' at Me For!**

_i have hereby decreed that...ALL ACTION SHALL BE CONVEYED BY DOUBLE COLONS :dances:_

Alphonse: sooooo…hey, Ninja-Rosette, what was in the package anyway?

Ninja-Rosette: my new pets!

Edward::looks up from the couch, where he is currently engrossed in _color healing:_ what kind of pet…?

Alphonse: why does it matter, older brother?...wait a minute… you're SCARED aren't you!

Edward: …no…

Ninja-Rosette: sure…it's ok! I'll help to quell your uncertainty, my love…

Edward: …no…

Alphonse/critic::snickering:

Ninja-Rosette: it's ok! It's just a turtle!...(that's covered with blade rivaling spikes on it's shell)…

Edward: no, seriously, it's ok. I'd rather…

Ninja-Rosette::grabs his hand and drives it through a spike: PET FLUFFY!

Edward::gasping in pain:WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!

Ninja-Rosette: what the hell did I do what for::cross-eyed:

All except Edward and Ninja Rosette::rolling on the floor laughing silently.:

**Author: hehe, they look like they're convulsing…XD**

**The Feral Alchemist: yes, i am torturing him verymuch. such a shame...i suppose he's never getting paid...hey, do you have yahoo messenger?and uhhhhh...here, have a muffin:muffin is covered in what appears to be fungus: hehehe... :dances:**


	11. lookit, i have a new collection hobby!

**_Part 11:_ A Collection of Pointless, Pathetic Attempts Conducted by Ninja-Rosette in Order to get Edward's Attention.**

Ninja-Rosette: they are not pathetic::cries:

**Oh, cry me a river and fetch me an Edward so I can get over it.**

Ninja-Rosette::still crying:

Ninja-Rosette::runs by Edward:

Edward::is reading and doesn't care:

Alphonse: how would Edward help you get over a river?

**Seeing him drown in it might motivate me. **

Edward: am I at least getting paid for it?

**Do I look like I have money?**

Alphonse: I don't think she has money, ed.

Ninja Rosette::runs by edward again:

Edward::is talking and doesn't care:

Winry::hasn't been mentioned yet In this chapter:

Ninja Rosette::runs to a nearby location, near enough to find her way back to the others, but far enough so that she's not in earshot: hey, critic.

Critic: WHAT NINJA NEED?

Ninja Rosette: I need for you to shut up, first off. I have a plan…

………………………………………………meanwhile…………………………………

Edward: hey, where's Ninja Rosette?

Alphonse: yea. And where has fluffy gone off to?

Edward: who cares about that stupid turtle?

Alphonse: I care about that stupid turtle!

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fear the awesome power of EDWARD TORTURE!**

Edward: actually, I haven't been tortured in this chapter.

**What? Omg, I have rebelled against my loyal reviewer!**

Edward: don't you mean "reviewers"?

**No, I mean "reviewer". I should have "reviewers" but out of over 200 people, 3 decided to review.**

Edward: that's still plural.

**So? Less than one out of every hundred people care enough to review my story. And of the 3 people who did review, only one of them did it more than once. and I think we all know who that is.**

Ken: yea. We should all show our gratitude to the poor special person. (insert annoying ken laugh)

**Yea, really. What do you say, alphonse?**

Alphonse: me? why me?

**Because I am here to prove my insanity. Now please our reviewer!**

Alphonse::starts dancing:

**Start the music!**

Edward::gets a CD player and plays "I'm too sexy" and hides under a random chair:

Alphonse: do I have to?

**Of course you have to! S'him reviewed, now give S'him Shim's money's worth!**

Alphonse: …I cant believe that I am doing this… :starts strip dancing:

**_Dare I ask your thoughts…? This was an Edward torture fanfiction, but I suppose it switched a bit…oh well. I am so sorry to anyone looking for a muffin in return for reviewing. I'm afraid I left them in a puddle after it rained this morning and…they are now covered in fungus.  it's so sad…now I need to actually write decent fanfiction to get reviewers, hunh?_**

**The Feral Alchemist: so you are basically telling me that you picked the fungus off of the muffin, and left the muffin there? Eewwwwww, that's nasty. Just a little. Lol, no Yim for you. Do you have msn? **


	12. armor needs love too!

**_Part 12:_The Unfolding of Ninja Rosette's Evil Plot **

Winry: EDWARD ELRIC GET OVER HERE NOW!

Edward: but Winry! I have to train with al, I can't be doing your stupid girl-chores right now!

Alphonse: you might not wanna do that ed…

Winry::chucks a wrench at edward:

Edward::on the ground: (probably bleeding)

Ken: (insert annoying ken-laugh) I can see the future. (insert annoying ken-laugh)

Winry: that's nice ken.

Alphonse::steps on ken:

Ken::is now roadkill:

Alphonse: hey, I betcha a NEW ken's gonna come out now!

Winry: and here comes my kharma…

Edward::now magically revived: yea, let's check the ken machine thingy.

**You guys are retards. Don't go.**

Winry: I think she's right. We shouldn't go. He'll probably come to us.

Edward: I think she's not right. We should go. He possibly wont come to us.

**Do whatever you want. It's your torturefic not mine.**

Edward: what was that?

**I said we should go check it out.**

Edward: that's what I thought you said.

Winry: I've got a bad feeling about this…

Alphonse: ok, we've been here for 5 minutes. Can you two please shut up now?

Edward: ok. Hey, what's that::points:

Ken: hi. I'm ken.

Alphonse: I know. We've met about 3 of you already. So what's special about you?

Ken: I'm special.

Edward: special as in… :snickers:

Winry::smacks ed w/ a wrench: shut up ed. After that sexist comment, I want nothing from you.

Alphonse: go on, ken.

Ken: I have no specified gender. (insert ken laugh)

Alphonse, Edward, and Winry: OO

Edward: hahaha, Winry had that same problem just last week…

Winry::suddenly falls through a gaping hole in the ground:

Ninja Rosette: mwahahahahahaha, I have her now! and if he wants her back, he's gonna have to do as I please. I will have my way with him, and he will have his way with her.

Edward::snicker: too bad, Ninja Rosette, it seems as though she wants nothing to do with me. no deal.

Ninja Rosette: damn::chucks Winry into the pits of hell:

Critic: (laying in the pits of hell) WINRY-GIRL IN MY EYE! DRAMATIC DEATH NOW::collapses:

Alphonse: my god…

Edward: yea?

Ken: alphonse?

Alphonse: yes?

Ken: will you marry me?

**The Feral Alchemist: I never said it was mushrooms. I said fungus. So basically, you just ate mold. Have fun oh, and yes, you are very loved. Apparently, alphonse loves you. Have fun and fluffy is a turtle with massive spikes on it's shell. I don't think you wanna see that…ooh, gleamy eyes and weaponry. Yay! And wuite obviously, Winry is in hell. Sorry if you're a inry fan, it's for rabid ed fans. It pleases practically anyone who ever said "Winry can go to hell" lol, yay.**

**Tropical-skittles: wow…wow. And this coming from someone who cant spell stupid. Lol, and I get a 10 on what scale? Oh well, anywho, thx for reviewing and here! Have a moldy muffin.**


	13. Ninja Rosette's Revenge

**_Part 13:_OK, The Revenge of Ninja Rosette!**

Ninja Rosette: Mwahahahahahaha! I have you now!

Winry: your dumb, you cant do anything to me. Ed is a state alchemist, and he'll save me, and you'll go to prison.so I suggest you release me, and give me my wrench back so that I can beat the shit out of you.

Ninja Rosette: actually, I was just leaving. Toodles.

Winry: GET BACK HERE YOU HARPIE!

Ninja Rosette: comes back in a black robe that covers her feet. I AM THE GRIM REAPER!

Edward: I thought you were the executioner…

Ninja Rosette: you DO care:glomp:

Edward:looks at Winry: yes. I do care.

Ninja Rosette: yay! Romantic carriage ride?

Edward: ….:sweatdrop:

Ninja Rosette: yay!

**Wow. A carriage ride with Edward Elric. It's every fangirl's dream…**

(on the carriage ride…)

Ninja Rosette: aren't you having fun, my love?

Edward: oh, yea. I LOVE turbulent carriage rides and seats as soft as GRANITE.

Ninja Rosette: my lap is slightly softer than granite…

Edward: I'll pass, thanks. :hops out of the turbulent carriage:

Ninja Rosette: oh, no you don't, pookie. :snaps fingers:

:giant rabid spike covered turtle appears:

Ninja Rosette: good boy, fluffy. Go get 'em.

A few seconds later…

:fluffy returns with a fetal position edward in his mouth:

Ninja Rosette: good boy:grabs Edward:

…………………….meanwhile…………………………………

critic: WINRY GIRL RUN

Winry: I am running!

:Winry is running on a gerbil wheel:

Gender Confused Ken walks over (yes, that is his name)

Critic:steps on Gender Confused Ken:

**:smacks forehead: dammit, critic, what the hell have you done this time? Good going. I wonder what happened to Edward and Ninja Rosette…**

ok all, that's it for now because I have a serious case of writer's block. In the meantime, I want a vote on your favorite ken to help me fix this problem. Thank you for your cooperation.

**The Feral Alchemist: yes, we all like turtles with massive spikes. Except for Edward, b/c he had a bad experience with one, courtesy of Ninja Rosette.**

**Vlkodlas: if I had some of that, I'd have all eleven of my toes. And I am assuming that you've had eight rabies shots? Please tell me that you've had AT LEAST eight… :whimper:**

**Ai Kichiko: thank you. The deal with the muffins is that…EVERYBODY LIKES MUFFINS! . and I have a muffin farm. Besides, sanity is so overrated. Moldy muffin? **

**Yaminah: thx for the idea, but I have a better one…maybe later in the story. Dare I ask…MOLDY MUFFIN?**

_Thank you reviewers! As a reward, Al will give you each a lap dance on request._

_Alphonse: OO_


	14. stay in school

**_Part 14:What? Nobody Wants a Lapdance from Al? Great, Now He's Unemployed Again, Nice Going. I Told Him to Stay in School…_**

Alphonse: well, I would have if SOMEBODY hadn't gone to become a MILITARY MUTT (I'm not listing names…)

Ninja Rosette: who?

Edward: Ninja Rosette, stay in school. That way you don't turn out like al (a prostitute) you have the opportunity to surround yourself with guys that have more money than me, and so that I can plan my escape-I mean…vacation…yeah, vacation…hehe…vacation…

Alphonse: poor Ed, you could use a break from this hell-hole, hunh brother?

Winry: ED? IN A 'HELL-HOLE'? no no no, I am the one on a flaming treadmill in a GIANT DITCH, and ED is the one in a hell hole::chucks wrench at ed:

Ken: I have an oven in my pants.

Alphonse: I guess Winry does need some food at least…

Ninja Rosette: what? Oh, that's right…people like food, don't they…oops…SORRY MELISSA!

Edward: who's Melissa?

Ninja Rosette::opens closet door:

**Where'd that come from?**

Ninja Rosette::pokes skeleton:

Critic: NOOOOOOOO MELISSA!

Alphonse: you knew Melissa?

Critic: no. BUT IT WAS A DRAMATIC DEATH!

Edward: wtf? She died in a closet. How is that dramatic…?

Alphonse: ……….ummm…..

Ken: I have an oven in my pants.

Ninja Rosette: well, anyway, I guess I can let Winry out of the hole for a while…but only if she stays away from pookie.

Ken: I will get Winry out of the hole.

Alphonse::trips over ken:

5 minutes later

Evil Mime Ken: pulls out (invisible) rope and attempts to choke Winry with it.

Winry::grabs said rope:

Assuming that Winry got out of the hole without dying….

Ninja Rosette: well Winry, won't you marry you're rescuer?

Winry: nope.

Edward: c'mon Winry he looks cute, once you get over the fact that he's homicidal.

Winry: and short.

Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ANT SO TINY THAT THE ONLY REASON HE SURVIVES A STOMPING IS BECAUSE HE FITS IN THE GROVES OF A SHOE?

Winry: Evil Mime Ken.

Evil Mime Ken::mimes crying:

Alphonse: lookit, Winry. You made him cry, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Winry: but I'm too busy being ashamed of Ed.

Alphonse: that works too.

Ninja Rosette: you will marry the ugly little alien, no matter how short and/or homicidal he is.

Winry: and why is that?

Ninja Rosette: because I am even more homicidal.

2 minutes later………..(how many minutes is that?)

Alphonse: I just love weddings…:bursts into tears:

Edward: al, quit you're whining. It's only whinry.

Alphonse: there goes the only man I ever loved…

Edward: OO

**The Feral Alchemist: awww, don't we all want to see a tap dancing al. maybe if he catches the boquet…**

**The Klutz::pulls out giant needle: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Time for you're anti-fangirl shots!**

**Kristanite: those are futurama characters…but oh well. Bender all da way! Thx for the…doll? I assume that by "base" you actually meant "clubhouse". Lol, jk.and I shall use the chocolate to good purpose. For I will create….A SOLID CHOCOLATE EDWARD! It's solid freakin' chocolate! Yay! **


	15. Winry's HAPPY Marriage

**_Part 15?_Ummmmm…Winry's Happy Marriage!**

Winry: I'm…I'm…:twitch twitch: to…KEN!

**Yeah, basically.**

Winry: but…why?

Edward: because of kharma!

Alphonse: yes, I blame kharma it gets the best of us all…

Winry: but…but that means…that means that I've been…

Edward: inexplicably evil?

Alphonse: maniacal?

Edward: malicious?

Alphonse: mean?

Edward: violent?

Winry: …but I'm not violent or mean or malicious or maniacal or evil in any way shape or form…am i?

Edward: …:sweatdrop:

Alphonse: well…you are kind of mean sometimes. And you do hit us a lot. And you sometimes get a strange homicidal look in your eye…

Winry: so…so your saying that…that I deserve to be married to…ken?

Alphonse: no, no! I'm not saying that at all, Winry. Nobody deserves that!

Ken:comes over and starts tapdancing:

Edward: OO

Alphonse: OO

Winry: > 

Edward: ;;sees how annoyed winry gets and starts tapdancing too:

Alphonse:starts tapdancing:

Winry:

Alphonse:trips over ken:

Ken dies

2 minutes later:

ken: hi! I am Lazy Bum Ken. :sits down:

at this point Winry realizes that Lazy Bum Ken is not only lazy, but is morbidly obese, messy, and somehow has a philidelphia steak and cheese submarine sandwich, measuring at 1 and a half feet long, and the contents (steak and cheese) are missing his mouth. He also smells bad, and a few cracker crumbs fall from his belly button.

**Winry sure knows how to pick 'em.**

Winry: hey! I didn't pick him! I chose the lesser of two evils. A bullet or a slob.

Edward:snickering: I don't know who the victim really is here. Winry or Ken?

Alphonse: brother, that's mean.

Lazy Bum Ken: Winry wife needs a job.

**Mookie and Moofie: here, i'll do better than that. ;;give Mookie a chunk of mold and gives Moofie a muffin;; MWAHAHAHAHA! i have given you what you asked for but i have messed it up! yay!**

**The Klutz: screma "bloddy" murder? nice typo, Shirlock. glad to see i have intelligent fans. ;;pokes The Klutz with athubtak;; mwahahahahahaha!**

**edward'sfangirl: i have a better idea. let's let edward choose his own girlfriend, because no matter how "entertaining" he can be, he is a person and we have no right to control him. ;;awkward silence;; ah, who am i kidding? ;;grabs acomputerchair and duct tapes edward to it;; mwahahahahahaha! i-we-have you now!**


	16. Evil Mime Ken strikes back!

**_Part 16:_A Bunch of Pointless, Unmotivated Attempts, Attemted by None Other Than Evil Mime Ken, in Order to Assassinate Winry!**

Winry: I refuse to babysit a bunch of little purple monsters ED!****THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Edward: how is it MY fault that YOU got drunk and married Ken?

Winry: omg…I was DRUNK? And you DIDN'T STOP ME? OMFG, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Alphonse: calm down Winry, they're not so bad…

Winry: you don't have to live with them!

Evil Mime Ken: ;;pulls out invisible bazooka and starts blasting the living room to bits;;

Lazy Bum Ken: Winry wife is home, yay, now she can pleasure me… ;;bites sandwich;;

Pervert Ken: ;;has new Xray glasses to see through clothing;; I can see everything

Gender Confused Ken: It's my time of the month…

Winry: omg…they are so annoying… ;;eye twitch;;

Edward: Christmas parties are awesome for stuff like this…

Winry: Ed, what are you talking about? It's the middle of September!

Edward: so? ;;shrugs;;

Gender Confused Ken: Winry needs to help me check myself for breast cancer now.

Lazy Bum Ken: all the women in this house need to go get more jobs while we MEN stay here and do men stuff.

Winry: that's sexist.

Lazy Bum Ken: SHUT UP BITCH! GO GET A JOB YOU LAZY WHORE!

Edward: …oh my gosh…this is terrible…

Evil Mime Ken: ;;pulls out butcher knife and tries to follow Winry;;

Evil Mime Ken;; walks into a wall;;

Pervert Ken: I can see everything

Evil Mime Ken: ;; tries to climb a tree in the yard;;

Alphonse: ;;waves to him;;

Evil Mime Ken: ;;falls;;

Winry: ;;gets in the shower;;

Evil Mime Ken: ;; tries to shoot her and misses;;

Pervert Ken: ;;hiding under the sink;; I can see everything

Gender Confused Ken: ;;walk in;; Winry wife, can I borrow a tampon?

Winry: ;;shrieks;;

(what'd you think she'd do?)

Gender Confused Ken: it's ok Winry. I'm a girl too.

Evil Mime Ken: ;;shoots at Pervert Ken and misses;;

Winry: ;;lying on the floor, apparently dead;;

Evil Mime Ken: ;;crying;;

Pervert Ken: ;;tries to drag Winry's Body away for his own purposes;;

Gender Confused Ken: oh no! my baby's daddy's dead!

Alphonse: 00

Edward: now is one of those times where we just don't ask questions…

**Mookie and Moofie: I'm tryin to find a way to fit them in it…I'm hopinf for an idea to come to me…maybe at Winry's funeral?**

**Krystanite: I dunno who Pooka is…no sisters for Ken…I'm sure I can fit a mention of Pooka in there…possibly…I make no promises.**


	17. The Naughty Things

**Yet Even More Pathetic Attempts of Pervert Ken to do…Naughty Things. Also: the Introduction of Emo Ken!**

Ed: Poor, poor Whinry. Gotta admit, I will miss her…

Alphonse: How dare you say that, brother? After all we've been through? We have to try to resurrect her before that little purple alien tried to do…Naughty Things…

Gender Confused Ken: Pervert Ken won't dare to do…Naughty Things…to Whinry while I'm around! I still have her tampons and they make nice…Naughty Things…in themselves!

Edward: That's pretty gross, Ken.

**3 hours later…**

**The Funeral**

Roy: Why are we here, Riza?

Riza: because, silly goose, funerals are sexy…

Roy: They remind me of war!

Alphonse: They remind me of kitties!

Riza and Roy: --Jump—

Ed: --crying—I cannot believe it…all these years and I never told her…

Ninja Rosette: told her what, Ed?

Ed: that you're annoying!

Ninja Rosette: but I made a new ken! It's designed to kill the other Kens instead of me. I call it Emo Ken:

Ed and Al: only one person here is intelligent enough to do something like that…you must be…--takes off her mask—Roy Mustang!

Ninja Rosette: I'm Whinry, dumbass!

Ed: oh.

Whinry: look it him! If he weren't bald and/or Emo, he'd be almost cute.

Emo Ken: Emo open-minded and sad. –sits and cries—Me Me Meeeeeeeee!—cuts himself—

Whinry, Ed, and Al: 00

Whinry: dammit…

Roy: if you're Whinry then…

Riza:…Who died?

Whinry: Ninja Rosette did. I hit her really, really hard with a wrench. Then I took a nail gun to her skull and stapled her innards to her face. I fed it to Lazy Bum Ken.

Ed and Al: 0 0 glad I didn't marry her…

oOo-Hiya-oOo—no, I'm so done with that closet. There were spiders in it. And…dare I say it…MOLD!

Quit forever—flaming cow? Well, my diabolical oranges can fix that! Hahahaha! Low in fat, high in fiber, take that muffin munchers!


	18. Chapter 18: Spouse in the House!

**Chapter 18: " There's a Spouse in the House!"**

Ed: hahaha, a spouse…

Whinry: you'd understand if you were married!

Ed: there's a spouse in the house, there's a spouse in the house!

**Author: he has a point, ya know…you get married, and then it's happy for awhile, but then it ends violently and not only do you lose the love of your life, but they jack half your sht too.**

Edward: hehehe, a spouse…so like, if they breed and stuff, are they considered spice?

Alphonse: spice? I barely know what a spouse is!

Edward: I did a good job sheltering you.

Whinry: oh really, Ed? Show him, Al!

Alphonse: -starts dancing- I am kinky in a can, yes I am, yes I am, I am kinky in a can…

Edward: I really dislike this…

Alphonse: -still dancing- I am kinky in the can, yeah I am!

Whinry: ok, that's enough Al.

Alphonse: kinky, kinky in that can, I am kinky in a can yes I am, go tell Sam, I am kinky in a can… -still dancing-

Edward & Whinry: -faints-

Critic: DRAMATIC DEATH!

-Enter Ken-

Exterminator Ken: where's the spouse? –long pause- are you the spouse?

Alphonse: no, im not a spouse! I'm kinky in a can!

Exterminator Ken: the dancer? From the Cat Scratch Club? THE kinky in a can?

Alphonse: yeah, that one!

Exterminator Ken: I am looking for a spouse. I think there is a spouse in the house…

Link: I will find said spouse for you!

**yes. THAT Link. The one from Zelda, yeah…here we go…**

Alphonse: thank you Link from Hyrule! As a reward, you can marry Edward as soon as he regains consciousness!

Link: I'm good on marriage, thank you though. No, as a reward you will hide me from that little punk a$$ btch Ruto.

Alphonse: WTF is a Ruto?

Link: never you mind. All that matters is that I will find your spouse!

5 minutes later…

Lazy Bum Ken: I'm glad you're here, Whinry Wife. It seems I can't see past my tummy, and therefore can't eat my Philadelphia cheese steak submarine sandwich. Feed me bitch.

Link: I am not your Whinry Wife. I am Link. Yes, THAT Link. And I am here to find the spouse in the house!

Lazy Bum Ken: whatever. Just get me sandwich and a job.

Link: nay, have at yee fool!

Lazy Bum Ken: that's not how you spell "Ye".

Link: whatever! Are you said spouse?

Lazy Bum Ken: are you said Link?

**And then he thought about it… meanwhile, on mars-**

**Mousie: ok, you have my IM. Are you happy now? lol. And I don't think there's room for an 11 year old. Sorry.**


	19. 19: The Silliness That Follows Abscence

**The Silliness That Continues Following a Long, Cold, Illustrious Break from ****Fanfictioning**

Edward: what kind of title is that??

**The kind that makes sub-par ****fanfictions**

Whinry: Why even bother writing this silly torturfic at this point anyway? It's been like, a year.

**Because I've come to realize that torturing you guys is my passion.**

Edward: Gee, thanks.

Link: I WILL SAVE YOU! ;;strikes a nifty pose;;

Alphonse: ;;dances;;

**Yes, Dance, my puppets, Dance!!**

_Short, sweet, and to the point I know. __Just announcing my return :)_

Ninja Rosette: you can't end yet!!!

Edward: ;; locks her in a small closet with Melissa;; YES WE CAN!

**No, actually. We can't.**

Edward: what?! Why?

**Because I said so.**

Edward: and…I'm still not getting paid?

**Nope. I still have no money.**

Alphonse: I have money! From the fangirls!!

-Enter Riza- Alphonse Elric, I want my money back!!

**Wait, what?!**

Riza: err… never mind. You keep it.

Roy: I WIN!

**No you don't. I do.**

Roy: awe.

_Okay. Now we can finish. Including __Riza__ and Roy is my way of making up for lost time. Very moldy muffins for everyone!!_


End file.
